every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
