Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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