It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
