I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
