Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i barfeds in our rink
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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