why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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