I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
