Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
