The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
