Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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