So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
