Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize