Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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