sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
