I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
