your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
