In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
