Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
