Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
