I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
