I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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