They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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