He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
