You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
