My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
