Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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