I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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