Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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