Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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