shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
