hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
