Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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