My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
