I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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