You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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