i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
