I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize