Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
