Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
