its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize