it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
please come you make the beer taste better
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
