I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize