when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
