I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
