I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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