He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
