Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
