My first STD was from a foam party
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
