i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
