I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
