I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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