shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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