I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
