I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
