found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
