3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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