You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
