I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
