porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
