literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize