Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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