i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
