Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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